Crossfit
Some people like to ride bikes, run, swim, lift weights, jump around, climb, or fight train. Some people like to flail around like idiots, because they think it's getting them somewhere. People who do crossfit fall into the second sentence. Crossfit is the act of trying and fail to be the best at exercising. History No one knows what fuckhead decided it was a great idea to put a bunch of different kinds of unrelated exercises together and try to do them all really fast without heed to their own personal safety, but all we know is that gyms mysteriously started popping up with "crossfit" in the name. Crossfit is one of those exercise fads that sneaked up on everyone and garroted them with awful attitudes and misinformation. Now it's taking over the world by storm, except that most smart people don't do it. Some Stuff Crossfit people are really arrogant about what they do and usually get into social media fights with other people who do different exercise programs. Crossfitters spend half of their time working out and the other trying to convince everyone else of how much better they are. To them, crossfit is the only way to exercise and it makes no sense to them that there are training regimens for specific purposes. At the crossfit gym (or box, or injury store) the crossfitters (or fitties or idiot dickheads) typically work out for like 3 hours and then touch dicks together as a greeting or a way to say "great job!" Usual conversations include talking about how you crushed that workout or how this was the best experience of your life because you jumped over things and lifted them off the ground at the same time or something. I don't know what the fuck they talk about in there. I know exactly what they talk about in there and it's about how they're stupid idiots that should go to hell. Really Good At Exercising Crossfit gyms come with barbells, dumbbells, gymnastics rings, pull-up bars, jump ropes, kettlebells, medicine balls, plyo boxes, resistance bands, rowing machines, various mats, ropes, nooses, car engines, tractor tires, airplane wings, ice cream machines, monkeybars, assault rifles, whiskey bars, butt powdering rooms, chalk fountains, facebook bragging kiosks, soap boxes, back scratchers, and about a billion different other fucking things to "confuse" your muscles. Your muscles will be so fucking confused you won't have time to learn how to do any one exercise properly with good form to minimize injury. You'll do shit like jump over boxes, then do some shitty burpees, then crush a spinal disc with a shitty deadlift, then hop on the pullup bar and kip your way up and not actually work the muscles a pull up is supposed to work. Crossfit is supposedly so great because it can be performed relatively safe even with poor form. Obviously safe can include permanent back damage or muscle inflammation. If you go to one of these gyms, you'll see people doing a bunch of shit, but not actually doing it well, because heaven forbid they bother putting in the effort to do these exercises with the proper form. They're too busy questioning conventional fitness wisdom!!!!!!! It's not like the olympic lifting, power lifting, and bodybuilding communities have developed exercises with emphasis on particular form for a reason! It's not like these exercises are designed with certain movements in mind, certainly not because these movements work certain muscles groups in a specific way to trigger stimulation and growth! No! Not at all! Just fucking throw that goddamn barbell up in the air with your back hunched over and your arms bent the wrong way! Be my dicksucking guest! No! You're a contrarian, fighting for REAL FITNESS ANSWERS! You, the crossfit shitdick fuckhead, are questioning the wisdom of the people you're ripping workouts from! It's cool, just do all of those olympic lifts and aerobic acrobatic exercises all in a row without resting or with any particular method! FUCK You see this? You see these people and how they are?! They're so delusional that there are crossfit gyms for kids! Yeah, my little brah, do that shitty power clean! They're the kind of people that will go out as a couple with shirts advertising their ~fave~ crossfit gym (or box, they call them "boxes") at a theme park like Disneyland where they have no business bringing that heretical garbage. God Damnit! Their main goal is to compete! Yes: they have a competition, that's the end game. To see who is the best at doing a bunch of exercises! It's called the crossfit games (sorry, I can't be bothered to capitalize it). Wherein they do some workouts with exercises they only learn about the day of! Yeah, it's the only competition with surprise challenges. The winner is dubbed "the fittest person one earth." They're so arrogant their best competitor is not just the best at crossfit, no, they're the fittest fucking person on earth! Why not?! You know what you can do ??!! You can take your dumb workout routine and shove it so far up your ass that your colon gets inflammation from all the fucking kipping you make it do to take a shit. You can take a barbell and hit yourself in the face. You can grab a kettlebell, jump into the ocean, and not let go. I hope you develop a second personality after hitting your head on the floor from falling off the jump boxes again and it sees how fucking retarded you are. Category:Powers Category:Things Category:Least Powerful Character Category:Lunatics Category:Organizations Category:Shitheads